Post-election brain nausea

I really hope candidates don't campaigning for the White House in 2016 by next month, just want some time in politics that's not about the next battle and instead on staying sedentary in some sense of the word until 2015 at least. I fear that it'll get to the point where they're predicting the fetuses who will win in 2068's elections in 2020 (kind of like in Dune, where the Bene Gesserit are predicting the generations it'll take to create an emperor messiah of the Galaxy, although he was a generation early and rebelled, what was I talking about?), or that spacetime itself will become fragmented and people start campaigning back to previous elections(I would like to see that if it happened.).

Pornographic thoughts (wait, scratch that, Thoughts on measure B)

It hit me, why are pornographers and porn stars so mad about Measure B in Los Angeles? Why not just embrace it, buy a bunch of those exotic condoms, the type mentioned in that Monty Python sketch(where Eric idle is a Protestant housewife), they use them in the films, the films get sent around the world, and viewers decide to go buy those exotic condoms since they see it as the new norm. Once that's done, they can invest in those condom manufacturers, promoting safe sex around the world, as well as making some cash in the process. It's a thought, anyway. (By the way, if anyone decides to use this idea, please credit me or I will, do, something, I'm not sure what.)(I don't know if there was a joke I was getting to, probably not)

The Church of Scamology: A Theological Doctrine Written in 12 Minutes

After doing some research on religion (well, seeing The Book of Mormon musical), I've decided to found my own religion, called Scamology. Here it is:

I. The Church of Scamology is a religious organization focused on one thing: Making a ton of money with as little work as possible. What, were you expecting some big philosophical essay?... Fine. We believe that the Earth was created in a giant explosion somewhere near Andromeda that resulted in the spreading of a force called "Ego" throughout the planet. So all the ego was floating around, without a job or purpose in life, before it finally fell into the oceans of early Earth life, growing as life grew, until it became a power wielded in some humans. Some notable people who wield massive quantities of ego include Tyler Perry, Sarah Palin, the main cast of Desperate Housewives, and Jesse Ventura. And uh, yada yada, space wars, some other stuff, to today, where we seek your money for our undisclosed cause.

II. Commandments and wisdoms
   1) Send as much money as you can to Ultimate High Priest and Lord of Life and Everything Nick Scroggs; checks, Visa, and Mastercard accepted. No money orders please.
   2)When in doubt, spend money on Church-certified prostitutes with official certification patches (see page 73 in the manual What the Hell is Scamology and Why Should I Give A Flying Rat's Ass?, available January 2013, for details).
   3)Thou shalt not marry others in order to get as much action/nookie as possible for all yalls, but thou shalt always marry their money (the divorce it so it can marry UHPLLE Scroggs).
   4)You are a child of the universe, though it'll always prefer your younger sibling who's more talented and popular than you ever were.
   5) Never trust anyone who still uses MySpace.
   6) All debates over who's the better captain, Kirk or Picard, shall be ended with a swift boot to the head.
   7) Sabbath will be every Saturday night, so we can catch that week's Doctor Who.
   8) Other than that, do whatever, we don't care, it'll be someone else's problem when you die.

Dreams(aka an excuse to blog)

You ever have weird dreams? I know I have, and there seems to be no pattern. One night it's being in a comics shop where everything you could ask for is there, and another it's me involved in investigating down the mystery behind some faked anti-Muslim internet video that leads to a supernatural conspiracy including a cloned ghost army of friends and middle-aged Caucasian guys running the Black Panthers. What's really weird though is that even in dreams I can't afford the stuff I'm dreaming about, and yada yada, I'm just posting this to not leave gaps in the blog record.

News from Jolly Old Britain

In addition to all the current problems surrounding the Olympics in London, it is now being reported that V has filed a complaint against Norsefire, and Daleks have invaded and are currently battling in the streets with the Tomorrow People. Meanwhile, the Ministry of Silly Walks has nothing to do with this, and thus gave no comment besides its apology for bribing officials to make silly walking an event.

A Nick Scroggs Sequel to The Dark Knight Rises

Scene: (sees articles on Dark Knight Rises involving popcorn, absurdity, gritty realism, corporate fascism, placement on political spectrum, etc. Cue bashing own skull into keyboard repeatedly.)

Random quote of the day

This is a job for Minoriteam!

A late night thought

I have to wonder, at how the city of angels can have so many demons.

Thought on The Avengers

I'd just like to say to anyone out there going to see The Avengers just to mock it (so all people then, it seems), I'd just like to say that no matter what, it will make more sense than living in Los Angeles.

Thought of the day

I'm amazed Howard Stern is still around, I thought he had faded away with flannel shirts and alt.newsgroups.

Random Thought

News: lingerie football league going on hiatus. Beginning sarcasm mode: Oh the humanity! It had so much potential! End sarcasm mode.

Random Thought

Only in LA can you go to a college health fair and figuratively and literally be handed paper sacks full of condoms by people at the booths.

A question

Why is the idea of a big museum night heist so alluring? I mean like the prospect, the sneaking in, the possibility of walking on a tightrope over a crowded street and garden, what is it?

Untitled

You ever get the feeling that everything is okay, but then something is off, and then you realize the Australian Simpsons are being dragged off by Morlocks from New Zealand? And then you wake up.

Random thought

If a time machine ever gets invented, I want a law to be made promising no one is to go back to the 80s to meet Madonna or Kim Wilde (and also in the law a stipulation to make sure no one goes back to rewrite the law.).

Random Thought

Is it wrong to want to ask a person from South America who speaks German if they're related to Nazi war criminals?

Random Thought

I wonder what the candidates think about Whitney Houston's death.

Random thought

Los Angeles is a post-apocalyptic wasteland, minus the apocalypse.

The Squid

So one day I was walking down the street in Santa Monica on Pico, and I had to stop to see that there was a huge honking squid on the sidewalk, I mean like it was the size of a car, just dropped on the sidewalk. And about only one person was paying attention to it, looking it over with some curiosity. And everyone else just walked by without a care. So I stop to inspect the squid, and the first thing I did was poke it to see if it was still alive. So I poke it with a stick I found, and I swear a tentacle just jumped up at me! I fell down, and noticed a news van filming everything, but didn't pay much attention to them. I instead rush the squid,  and I start wrestling with its tentacles, I have two in my hands when the police and National Guard show up in full force. A cop says over the loudspeaker "Drop the tentacles and put your hands in the air!" So I'm standing there on Pico, surrounded by law enforcement, with two tentacles of a dead squid in my hand, no idea what to do. So I just drop the tentacles and point to the squid "He started it!" I got arrested after that, and after I was released(on account that eyewitnesses said the squid was the one who started it), I got home, and found out we were having calamari for dinner.

Greetings World!

I'm still coming up with stuff for this blog, but I thank you nonetheless for taking a few moments of your precious life to check this out.