Warped News of the Day

From the Warped Twisted newsroom in beautiful smoggy Los Angeles.

•  Anonymous bemoans verdict of Ohio football player rape case, stating "What will we do, now that there's a case of justice working?"
• Mitt Romney appears at CPAC, is immediately torn limb from limb by attendees to prevent further embarrassment.
• Sarah Palin gets applause, diabetes from drinking 300 oz. Big Gulp at conference podium
• Stalker who shot baseball player in 1949 dead
• You're not high (or you probably are), there are people who still believe in colonialism out there, and they want to bring it back after all these years.
• In general, the world is still getting screwed over, economics all over hitting lows, the environment destroyed for short-term gratification, jerks in school still existing, and reading news such as this that make you want to drink booze and smoke weed until your brain cells start shooting each other for fun.

Have a nice day!